Trump Offers Best Deal Yet On Speakers From Back Of Van

NEW YORK — Claiming that he’d really like to get rid of them today but doesn’t necessarily have to, golf course manager Donald Trump offered what he said was the lowest possible price he could on the two large speakers in the back of his van.

“The sound quality is like nothing you’ve ever heard before,” the Republican nominee for President said, referring to the matching set of large jet-black speakers displayed from the rear of the white, unmarked, commercial-grade vehicle. “The biggest, most beautiful sound in the world.”

Trump claimed that normally the speakers go for a much higher price when sold at retail, but that he is able to offer a better deal because of a mix-up with the delivery company’s “inventory logistics.”

“We had a shipment with extras and nowhere to take them,” Trump said of the speakers built in Shenzhen, China. “It costs money to send stuff back, so we might as well sell them. That’s why I can give you this tremendous price.”

As of press time, after his offer was rejected, Trump said that he might be able to take an extra $50 off the price as long as his boss said it was okay and you paid cash.